Documented for Posterity: The Moment when Awkward. decided to channel serial killer dramas, for some reason.
The fuck happened to Awkward. this season?
You look like the kind of person who uses MapQuest.
I keep seeing this on my dash and I’m like 100% sure this was taken at UF like 200 feet away from every classroom I sat in in grad school. Go Gators!?
Anonymous said: Hey nicole, im about to graduate college soon! However, Ive been growing apart from some of my main friendgroup (since freshman yr) this past schoolyear. Most of us will be in the area after we graduate but it feels weird that I wont always have that social security blanket there. Ive been meeting some great people these past few months as Ive ventured outside campus and my comfort zone but its still scary! Any advice? And are you still close with your college friends now? Thanks!
First off, congrats on graduating college — life is about to get really weird and fun. You won’t believe you can come home from work and have NO HOMEWORK. It’s truly a dream that I’m still thankful for every day.
Here’s the cold, hard truth: Shit’s about to change…A lot. I only have 31 years under my belt, so maybe it’s too early for a case study, but I would easily say the few years after college were the most tumultuous of my life. I have never felt more change in a shorter period of time.
My world first got rocked by a super traj breakup with my college boyfriend, a relationship I thought would last forever. I literally thought I was dying. Then, my best friend got married — she and her now husband basically had a surprise wedding. (It’s mostly because of family — it’s hard when half of them live in India. Sometimes you gotta have a pop-up wedding!) That affected me a lot more than I thought it would because even though I was so happy for her and knew this was right for her, I couldn’t help but feel a bit left out. All the meanwhile I was trying to find my footing at some kind of job. I was driving two hours (both ways) to this six-month temp assignment I knew was ending soon. (Spoiler alert: Six months goes by a lot quicker when you’re out of school — these days, it goes by in a second.) I felt frustrated and scared that I didn’t have some kind of award-winning career path carved out in front of me and when I looked to the future, it was incredibly murky. Not bad murky, but not good murky. Just…hard to see through.
So all this stuff was going on: my heart was broken, my best friend got married, I was totally aimless at “work”… And on top of all of that, all of my other friends were going through the exact same things. It’s a roller coaster.
You’re going to find out a lot about people in the next few years. Paths will deviate, some of them extremely. The people you never saw being adventurous will pick up to Punta Cana and become a snorkel instructor. The girl who never had a boyfriend will meet the love of her life and post about their wedding on Facebook for the next 400 days. A guy you casually studied Econ with will die in a car accident — sorry, someone has to say it.
Despite how horrible all of these things sound, the silver lining is totally great. Just like the people around you, you’re also going to be finding your own way. And you might end up doing some really wild stuff, too. Like becoming really close to a girl you knew in high school and college but never fully connected with. Or getting stupid-drunk with someone you never really thought you cared for at a free Rusted Root concert in the park.
I definitely still have friends from college, and they mean everything to me. My best friend who got married, I’ve known her since 7th grade and she’s still my best friend to this day. Though we’re not traditional best friends — we don’t talk all the time — I know until the day I die that she loves me x infinity and I love her x infinity. I met my other best friend Ted in college, but were only really surface friends until a couple years after we graduated. Ted came out to me in a photo booth in a bar in Pilsen when we were 25 and we’ve been great, deep friends ever since. He lives in New York now, too, and I love him so, so, so much.
This is your time, girl! You’re lucky enough to have made it through to the other side with what sounds like a dece friend group in tow. You have an education, which is something a lot of people don’t have the luxury of receiving, and like that amazing David Foster Wallace commencement speech, that means you get TO CHOOSE. You’ll be overwhelmed with the choices in front of you — sometimes you’ll make the right ones, sometimes you’ll make the wrong ones. Congrats, you’re human!
I know that going outside your comfort zone is terrifying, as it is for literally every person. But it really is the fastest way to grow as a person. My biggest tip when you’re wading through the crap: Just let go. You can’t stop your best friend from getting married just so you can stay in your perfect 7th grade bubble forever…that’s a slippery slope to assuring you’ll end up as a featured guest on some kind of TLC program. And if your shithead boyfriend wants to break up with you for an intern at work, let him. That dude fucking sucks.
When in doubt, remember the basics — have some cocktails, kiss who you wanna kiss, and hang out with people who make you feel good! And always wear condoms.
One time someone told me I reminded him of broad city and when I asked which one he said, “both, you’re all of them.”
That’s when I knew I made it.
Accurate post is accurate.
Reminds me of the time a lady told me whip doesn’t melt. Or a guy yelled at me for not understanding him/hearing him because he kept talking on the phone
For those in retail.
I worked in a Lil Caesars and a woman came in and wanted a sausage pizza with no sausage, but got mad when she was given a cheese pizza.
So when I worked at fitting room in Old Navy, a woman told me that a medium top was too small, and that the large top was too large. So she asked me to find her an “x-medium”. Old Navy carries x-small, small, medium, large, x-large, 1x, 2x and 3x. There is no “x-medium”. But she insisted, so I went and found her an “x-medium” (which was just a medium in a different color but the same top, same make, same EVERYTHING) and she goes very happily, “THIS! THIS FITS ME PERFECTLY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! See, you can do anything you can set your mind to!”
I’m a waitress at a big fancy resort, and once a woman asked me for a diet water and when I told her there was no such thing she demanded to see my manager (who then also promptly told her there was no such thing and brought her regular water).
Another occasion of stupidity occurred when a woman had been brought a steak cooked too much for her liking. I offered to take it back and bring her out a new one, cooked a little less, and she said “NO this one’s fine I just want you to cook THIS one a little less.” I then had to get the chef and have him explain why you can’t UNCOOK a steak.
When I was working at dunkin donuts there was this woman in the drive-thru who asked for a lightly toasted croissant and then started complaining that the croissant was warm. And wanted her money back, so she gave me the croissant back and I gave her the money and then she tells me “now i want my new croissant” she wanted a new one for free and as she was screaming at me this guy in a biker gang covered in tattoos leans over the counter in the store and yells “ma’am let me just tell you what we’re all thinking. fuck off, you stupid ****.” I couldn’t stop laughing and she drove away in anger.
Most of the people like in the stories above know that they’re being totally irrational, but also know that if they complain enough they’ll most likely get something free or discounted. So really most of the the nonsensical fucks are actually just cheap fucks with no shame or respect for people.
That last bit of commentary though.